I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
