I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize