not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
