sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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