Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
