You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
