hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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