the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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