WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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