WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize