Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
