college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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