I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
