you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
