I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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