we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
