Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
