I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
