Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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