Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
