Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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