but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
