Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
