Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You made out with two different species that night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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