Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
