The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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