I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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