Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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