i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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