I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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