She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
