im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
