Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
