Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
