My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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