its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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