I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
