I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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