I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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