after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
