is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
