dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
