By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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