so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
