During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
