u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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