I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
