This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
