Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
