Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
