The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
