I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
