Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
