So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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