yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
