her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
