I swear she didn't look like that last week.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
