I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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