wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
