grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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