Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
