Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
