Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
