My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
