god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
