I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
