hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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