Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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