i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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