Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
