Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
