I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is wine microwaveable?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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