God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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