Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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