dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize