At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
