If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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