So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
