I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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