STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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